My "What Kind of Crime Would It Be" Tax Day Story

The REAL Oola, the star of most of our adventures.

Today is Tax Day.  To many Americans, it’s the day when panic ensues, because even though they’ve had 4 ½ months to do their taxes, they somehow forgot and now are suddenly surprised and are going to spend the day, well into the night, trying to get it done.  Or they will be figuring out how to file for an extension so they can procrastinate again and panic, again.  I, the president of the Procrastinators of America, or would be, but we keep putting off the elections; do not even understand how this deadline creeps up on everyone, every year.  I mean, really, people.  Even New York State finally figured out how to get a budget by April 1^st, and yet so many Americans still cannot get their taxes done before the 15^th.  For those of us who did our taxes in January, received and spent our rebate checks, and are simply bored with it all, except for the occasional Tax Day Freebie, I have a yarn to spin for you.  This is also a true story.  Well, a true story sprinkled liberally with a bunch of “what ifs”, that is.

NOT the actual guy dressed as Lady Liberty.

 While going to pick up one of Cassie’s awesome friends, we passed a guy, dressed up like the Statue of Liberty.  Yeah, you’d think it was odd, but he was trying to drum up business for “Liberty Tax Service”.  You’ve seen them outside, holding signs, reminding you to get your taxes done.  {Side note!!!  You know those people who talk on their cell phones while putting on their makeup and not using their turn signals?  Yeah, those are the people who don’t know what I’m talking about, and they are the ones NOT reading my blog because they are doing their taxes because they forgot they had to do them.}  I’m thinking, that has to be a pretty degrading job for a guy, don’t you think?  He was Caucasian, with a scruffy beard, and he seriously did NOT make a pretty Lady Liberty.  Then, walking toward him was another man, an African-American.  Now, I understand that this is, indeed, racial profiling.  He could be Haitian, after all, or even an Irish Scott like me, but just with the skin color of the other Dunlap what lived on the other side of the on-base housing.  We got his mail once.  My Dad sent my brother to deliver his mail, and to ask him if we were related.  My brother always did what we were told.  The very nice guy told Les to tell my father that he didn’t think so.  It took a while for my Dad to figure out why.  We were brought up completely color-blind, which was not typical in the south, in 1975.  But, this is important to the story.  So, this 2^nd gentleman, wearing a backpack, was walking toward out “Lady” Liberty, down South Salina Street, on the South Side of Syracuse, carrying a golf club.  

NOT the Actual Guy with the Golf Club.

I do not know if this is odd behavior for Syracuse.  But it is odd enough to warrant a long discussion in the Alien Green Kia Soul named Oola.  At first we had the guy with the golf club beating the crap out of the dude dressed as the Statue of Liberty, but Cassie wouldn’t let me stop and film it for the police, because Cassie’s friend, who I will refer to as Sweetness, because she is, and also a minor, whose identity I feel the need to protect, was waiting for us.  After we retrieved Sweetness, and filled her in on what I was certain was the Bloody Pulp of Liberty, we headed back home with baited breath to find out what happened.  Well, our Liberty in Drag was fine, still hawking his wares, but, low & behold, our golfer was now on the OTHER side of the street, causing Cassie and Sweetness to infer that our Symbol of Freedom really stood his ground, and monumentally struck fear into his foe, causing him to flee to the other side of the road!!!

The thing that bothered me the most, is I’m not even sure WHAT kind of crime this would have been.  Would it have been a random act of violence, one man simply beating another man?  OR, would it have been racially motivated because one man was white and the other was black?  Maybe it would be classified as a hate crime, because one man was, well, dressed as a man, and the other man was dressed as a woman.  Or was it an act of terrorism, for after all, one man did attack the Statue of Liberty, a beloved icon of the United States.  Or, being the weapon was a golf club, was it a simple demonstration of poor sportsmanship?  Whatever it was, Sweetness thought the whole thing was plain awesome!  That could be why I like Cassie’s friend so much.  She really seems to get me, and not many people do. 

As always, I will work for money, but I am not for sale.  Meaning, I'll review anything, and I do love a challenge, so send me ideas and suggestions, but my opinions can't be bought.  I do take Paypal donations anytime at eaglemingoroost@gmail.com.